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7 Ways To Get Over A Grudge

2014/09/24

134“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ― Deborah Reber

1)  Write down your thoughts

The first step to any sort of confrontation is to have your thoughts clearly outlined and ready to be explained. Before talking about anything know what points are on your mind and think over what has been bothering you so that, should you get flustered and forget, you have a quick and easy way to remember what you are upset about. There is no shame in jotting down a few notes in your phone before calling a friend to explain why you’re upset, it means you are prepared and you are less likely to allow emotion to dictate what you talk about in the conversation.

2)  Take pride out of the equation

Don’t make it about yourself; now of course you will be discussing your point or opinion on a matter but it’s important not to make it personal or about anything other than the issue itself. If you need to apologize to even the playing field beforehand then take pride out of it and say first and foremost that you are sorry for your actions and the hurt they may have caused.

3)  Understand that the fight is already lost

Whatever originally set you off and bothered you to this point is already over, this isn’t about the original conversation but rather the fallout from the first time your spoke. Understand that this isn’t about trying to change the other person’s mind but rather express your feelings on the fallout of the discussion, this is about mending bridges – not changing the bridges themselves.

4)  Express yourself

Be aware of what you’re going to say and the tone at which you say it in – for this reason it can be extremely difficult to convey tone through an e-mail or text; things of this nature should be said face to face so that your intentions are clearly received and not misconstrued in any way.
5)  Understand their point of view

If you have yet to accept or respect their point of view then it is not time to mend the relationship just yet. Time will eventually bring you around to their way of thinking and if you still don’t agree with it you must at least see the validity in it in order to objectively talk about why it hurt you.

6)  Use examples and if necessary analogies

Occasionally you may be attempting to explain your point of view and find that the words are escaping you or that you cannot sufficiently demonstrate your position because you know they will not see it the way you do. In these cases sometimes it’s best to use an analogy; not to dumb down your point but to articulate your thoughts in a clear and decisive way. This will allow the other party to understand your view on the matter while also shedding light on the situation as a whole.

7)  Don’t play the victim

You cannot talk about your feelings respectfully if you are refusing to see yourself as anything other than the victim, understand that in EVERY confrontation both sides are equally hurt may feel that they are the victim too. Ultimately this attitude leads to selfishness and a refusal to accept anyone else’s point of view on a matter.

 

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