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6 Reasons People Make Enemies

2014/07/30

 

1“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde

 

 

  1. Letting your ego get the better of you
    It sounds a bit like an excuse but the most common way we make enemies is by losing friends. We’ve all heard the old adage that “there will always be greater and lesser persons than you,” but sometimes there doesn’t have to be any discernible reason for you being jealous or envious of another. Sometimes it may just be you feeling that you deserve a better life and for whatever reason your frustration is taken out on them. Put it aside. You don’t have to understand where your anger towards someone may come from, but you need to understand that it’s unhealthy. See the value in recognizing someone for their talents or position in life and move past it. Be the bigger person.
  2. Holding Grudges
    Often times we’re holding grudges towards people who don’t even realize that we are upset with them. It then becomes our responsibility to learn to let go. You can decide to stay mad at them and carry it with you; but that’s just it – YOU’RE the one carrying it. The weight will be on your back not theirs, so why allow yourself to become emotionally heavy under the weight of your own grudges. The great irony that takes years to realize is that holding a grudge only hurts the person holding it. Otherwise sometimes cooling off is the best thing to do in order to get some perspective and breath the fire out of your lungs.
  3. Lack of Discussion
    Occam’s Razor means that the simplest answer is often the correct answer. If you don’t talk about the things that bother you, you are setting yourself up to make errors in your choices and actions. When we’re mad at someone we often make the poorest decisions out of sheer spite, don’t fall victim to this. Whether you’re mad or someone is mad at you talk about it and always start the conversation off with, “What happened?” while avoiding criticism. After all you never know what really happened unless you ask.
  4. Taking what doesn’t belong to you
    This can be in the physical sense or the spiritual sense. Often times we don’t realize we are taking claim to something or someone because the other person has not made their intentions clear. It is at this point to need to evaluate what you are doing and whether it is worth gaining an enemy over. Pride is one of the most dangerous and deadly emotions because it often leads to reckless behaviour or foolish choices. Internalize what is truly important to you and use those set boundaries to dictate what is worth fighting for. If you know that giving up your position would be a compromise to what you hold value in then maybe it’s worth fighting for.
  5. Refusal to see both sides
    Since enemies aren’t just made from you being upset at someone, you must equally be aware of how others may see you. Often times you may be the person completely unaware of another’s frustration towards you, what can be perceived as uncalled for aggression may be stemming from a deep seeded feeling within themselves that they refuse to acknowledge. Understand that it may or may not be your fault and try to see their side of it. You don’t have to agree with it but you must be willing to understand why they are being confrontational towards you.
  6. Expecting more
    Often times we are set up for the most disappointment by expecting things from others. You may put time, effort and thought into a gift or memento for a friend or acquaintance, after which they do not reciprocate anything. This is why you must do something without the expectation of reward, compensation or even thanks. Hanlon’s Razor means that you should never attribute to malice that which can be easily explained by stupidity, in this case, absent mindedness. While someone may never show you that they appreciate you as a person they are more likely than not just ignorant rather than trying to be hurtful. It’s not worth making a mountain out of a mole hill and it’s not worth becoming enemies over.

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